Sunday, March 29, 2015

Jonah Days

I'll be quick to point out that my little are adorable, even if they can't hold still for pictures. 



But they are oh-so-much work. 

Work. Work. Work-ity, work.

Who knew? 

And this week has had some Jonah moments. If you've ever read Anne of Green Gables, she has what she calls a "Jonah day"---everything goes wrong and she reacts badly. So, it's been a struggle this week and ended with all of us (except Caleb, so far) getting sick. Rae's run a really good fever and Joe's been up most nights for a couple hours. 

Bleh. 

But, we've also gotten amazing things done with our widow's mite of time. Like pack stuff and take it to storage. Like make a zillion appointments and schedule surgery for Joe (again, on April 9th). Like clean the excess grout off the bathroom floor. You know, things. 

And then, there are the not so glorious moments. Like Rae cutting bread by himself (repeatedly). [Yay for independence; Boo for waste and clean up.] 


Also like Rae not wanting to eat and making sad faces. 


Like putting water on to boil to make oatmeal, forgetting it, and destroying the pan. 
I totally blame sleep deprivation on that one. 


And like finding my bigger littles playing in two containers of oatmeal and a container of salt. 
I swear I was only cleaning my bathroom for a few minutes. And I heard them playing happily. Well, now I know why. 




It's been a Jonah week. I'm really hoping for rest soon, 
because I'm so tired that Mt. Dew doesn't buzz me at all. And this is why you have kids when you are "young" because you can "handle" it. 


But, I'll end on a more hopeful note: 
Joe. 

He has been refusing to put anything near (or in) his mouth since he gave up his binky around 14 months. Refusing. Dodging. Not interested. We forced the issue for awhile, made it worse. We backed off and just let him play with food at mealtimes.  

Just recently, he has shown interest in putting food near his mouth. He reached for my smoothie (yup, make a fruit smoothie most mornings because I can eat it one-handed and it is quick to make and if I don't get to it for a long time it still tastes good… essential qualifications for this phase of life) and wanted to put his fingers in it and touch his fingers to his mouth. 
If I wasn't so tired, I might have cried. 


I have hope. Things will get better. Someday he'll learn how to eat. 

And Jonah weeks will not be so common. 


Sunday, March 22, 2015

Wherein I realize that I married my High School English Teacher

 When explaining Mr. Graff's sense of humor, I like what his Team Lead told him at a performance review, 

"You have a dry sense of humor, with a touch of discontent. I love it!" 


If Mr. Graff's humor is dry, mine must be wet---bubbly and expressive. When we were doing recommend interviews to get married, the Stake President did a double take and thought something like, "How on earth are THOSE two ever going to work?" 

How does it work? 
Well, it does, quite nicely. 

In high school, I had a crush on my English teacher, Mr. Jordan. He was tall, smart, dark-haired and blue-eyed and liked interesting, random things. He could paint pictures with his words. And there was just an edge of discontent in his humor. 

I once witnessed Mr. Jordan engage in a verbal sparring match that left my ears burning. She, another teacher, hoped to get his attention by conversational duel. He casually side stepped her argument, she lunged on the attack, and he parried in such a way that it disarmed her. Even after she left, the tension clung to the room like an extra layer of atmosphere. He smirked.

It was brilliant. 

Add mental agility, dry humor, to a little discontent and you get Mr. Graff. And it's a little funny to realize that I married [someone like] my high school English teacher. I like him. Mr. Graff, that is. 

We had a hot date. We re-tiled the bathroom floor. Oh yeah. 



I drank copious amounts of Mt. Dew, hoping to get buzzed (three hours of sleep just isn't enough). I was nauseous and giggly instead. Next time, I think I'll try Red Bull. [I don't think 'buzzed' is the word you want.  Maybe emphasize 'tired'.  And how little you drink caffeine and why.  And that your SiL wants to video tape you if you ever do drink Red Bull.]




We finally grouted the floor around one in the morning. 


It's beautiful. 


In other news: 

Joe is starting to put food up to his lips! He demanded my smoothie and then put his little fist into it and shoved it in his face. Different textures of foods need more coaxing. 



I walked into the kitchen for a few minutes and came out to find Caleb surrounded. [Couchquake victim!] 


I love his hair. 





And here are my helpers, washing the window. 



Got to love them. All of them. 



Sunday, March 15, 2015

Busy, Busy, Busy


Now that we know we are going to Hawaii… we got busy this week. 

Got to sell the house. 

Got to have surgery again for Joe. 

Ready… GO! 

We hired a handyman to fixed up a bunch of odds and ends things, like the slamming front window and the stuck vanity drawers. He whipped through my list in like an hour. An hour, ya'll. It may or may not have taken me three weeks and lots of youtube videos to try and do all of those things. And I may or may not have gone crazy first. So, hiring the handyman was well worth it to me.  

We also had the HVAC people come and service the furnace. 

We had a painter come out and give us an estimate for painting our kitchen cabinets. 

We had the stager come out and write up a list of things to do to sell our home. (It's five pages long…) 

And I replaced the flooring in the entryway. It looks spectacular. I'm breaking my arm patting myself on the back, and I might sigh ever-so-contentedly whenever I look at it. "Hi there, welcome to my home. Did you see my awesome new floor that I installed myself? Did I mention that I'm awesome?" 

P.S. Taking up the old linoleum was "easy". 
Taking up the adhesive residue was disgusting
Adhesive remover smells AWFUL. 




Mr. Graff also ripped out the bushes in front of our house. It looks like we actually have a house down there now that those two mammoth bushes are gone. Mr. Graff got to play in the dirt and remember the good ol' days when he worked groundskeeping in college. Then he hauled the branches and roots to the dump. 

Hubba hubba, ding ding. 


Ta da!


We use to rotate who got up with the baby, so that someone would get "enough" sleep. I'd take the weekdays and Mr. Graff would take the weekends. Now, though, Joe wakes up and screams for an hour every night. So, we rotate who has to get up with Joe and comfort him until he falls back asleep.  (Feeding the baby is for the person that needs more sleep.  Lucky them.)  Nobody sleeps well. 

I'm not entirely sure what is causing Joe to be in pain. It could be ear infections (oh, they are chronic and nasty). It could be the cyst in his mouth. (I think it bursts at night sometimes and grows back during the day.) It could be something else. Whatever it is, it's hard. 

I think a lot about the story of Jesus and the man born blind. "Who did sin, this man, or his parents, that he was born blind?" Did we cause Joe to have all of his troubles? It seems a very human question to ask. What did I do wrong? What could I have done so that Joe would not have to suffer? What am I doing now that would ease his troubles? Am I not doing something I should? 

Jesus replies, "Neither hath this man sinned, nor his parents: but that the works of God should be manifest in him"

I take great comfort in that. It's not that I have done or am doing something wrong, it part of Heavenly Father's plan for me and Joe and our family. I am coming to accept this. I am coming to know that the Lord loves us and helps us to feel after Him, particularly when we are weak. 

Then Jesus anoints the blind man's eyes, the man washes in the pool of Siloam, and he sees. 

He's healed. The hurt and wrong in this life are healed by the Savior's touch. I hang my hopes on the reality of the Resurrection. That someday, Joe will have a perfect body, and that even though this life isn't fair, it will be made right. I also hang my hopes on the Atonement, that we will be able to bear our burdens with ease. And that we can be grateful for them. 

Joe had a CT scan done at the hospital. It was of his neck and oral cavity so the ENT doctor can evaluate where the cyst in his mouth is originating and make plans for Joe's next surgery. I'm learning that when people ask me if this is Joe's last surgery that the best response is, "It's his last surgery until the next one." 

Joe could not eat or drink before the CT scan. The schedulers, however, did not make provision for a anesthesiologist to be there, so it took FOREVER (okay, three hours) for everyone to get coordinated and all the right people to be where they needed to be. We needed the anesthesiologist to be there to make sure that Joe's airway stayed clear because he has complicated airway issues. 

So, we played a lot. 

Joe was the official "greeter" for the Radiology department. He took his responsibilities seriously and stood in the doorway and checked credentials of everyone coming in or out. 


Joe liked the TV on a mechanical arm attached to the wall. Mostly, he liked that pushing buttons would do things. 


Child Life came and gave us a huge bag of toys and bubbles to play with. Joe had a brief flirtation with the (obnoxious, loud, bright) toy wand, but went back to his favorite friend… 


the light switch. 


The nurses first tried swaddling Joe to do the CT scan. The scan is only three minutes long, but for those few minutes, Joe has to be perfectly still. The swaddle they used had a material you see on wrestling mats lined with a blanket and straps like the seat belts on grocery carts every six inches or so. It was impressive looking. Like mental health lock down impressive. And, of course, that freaked Joe out. 

Bring on the drugs. 

Two doctors, me, and a couple nurses held down Joe while they put on the gas mask for general anesthesia. 

"Wow, he's strong," the doctors say.

"Especially for a kid with low muscle tone," I reply. 

"What? Wait. HE has low muscle tone??!" 

Sure does, but you wouldn't know it from the way he was fighting. And after a few minutes, his active resistance quits and Joe looks still and lifeless. I'm sure the anesthesiologist see this all the time, but it is a little freaky for me. I have to step out. 

I start reading The Magician's Nephew and only a few paragraphs in, they grab me and tell me that the scan is done. I follow as they wheel Joe down to recovery. 

Seeing Joe like this brings back a lot of memories. 


The nurse tells me that when he wakes up in a few minutes, he'll cough out the plastic thing in his mouth. I settle down to read my book and wait for Joe to wake up so we can blow this popsicle stand. 

A few pages into my book, Joe violently wakes up, sputtering and unable to get the stupid, plastic thing out of his mouth. I can't see the nurse and I don't have a call button and Joe is panicking. So, I reach in and grab the plastic thing. 


Voila. It's HUGE. 


The nurse comes back, a little thrown off because Joe is up and the plastic hook-of-huge-ness is gone. I tell her to get the IV out now or Joe will rip it out himself. 
"But, procedure…" 
"Just get it out now. He's ripped IVs out in his sleep." 

She takes out his IV and gives him apple juice. I sign discharge papers, and Joe fiercely guards all three of his apple juice containers all the way home. 


The only thing I appreciate about hospitals these days is that I know I will get to go home with Joe. Eventually, we will leave. 

I'm proud of Joe and all his accomplishments. He walked into church this week (I didn't have to carry him). He mounted an attack on a small incline near the playground, charging up and picking his way down over a dozen times, so he could figure out how to walk on an uneven surface. He's learned to pull open the measuring cup drawer, reach his little hands in and pull out cups to play with. He also pulls things out of the trash can. 

Not so proud of that one. 

And lastly, he's taken up the fine art of wall murals, a la dry erase marker. 




Progress, right? 

So, life is busy, busy, busy now. 
Some good things. Some necessary (though unpleasant) things. Some funny things. 


Sunday, March 8, 2015

Tackling Boys and Projects


Raeford can't sit still to save his life. If he wants to hold Caleb, it's only long enough for me to take a picture and then he shoves him away so he can go play. It's a good thing that I've got lightning fast reflexes. 


At church, Rae cannot sit still. We arrived late, but still had an entire middle pew all to ourselves. So, of course, Raeford runs back and forth across the pew and Joe shrieks happily watching his brother. Joe and Rae manage to distract most of the ward. 

What do I do? I take Rae to the back of the overflow and hope to listen to some of the meeting. It does not work. I see the bishopric watch me as I chase Rae on the stage. I take Rae around the middle and march out to the foyer. This is when Rae starts yelling, 

"MOM, you're hurting my PENIS!!!"

Loudly. And repeatedly. 

Some people's kids. 


We heard from Hawaii this week--- they said to set our own timeline for coming out. So, we're planning on the end of June/beginning of July. That gives us two months to fix up the house and pack and another two months to sell it before we have to be there. 

So, let the projects begin: 

Rae helped me rip up the linoleum in the entryway, but... 


Mr. Graff did most of the work. 


Thank goodness for Code Red days. Mr. Graff got to stay home for one day and half of the next. It was so nice. He and Caleb watched the snow fall and dozed.  [Mr. Graff: Icie makes it sound like I got to sleep all day.  I wish.]


And back to the projects: I ripped up the caulk in the bathtub and scrubbed until it shined. It looks beautiful. Did you know that you can remove soap scum (and other bathtub nasties) with Mr. Clean's Magic Eraser? It's magic. And an eraser. I'm totally buying several more boxes of that amazing goodness.



Rae climbed in the tub with me and "helped", mostly by splashing water around and "scrubbing" the tub. 

 Joe hit so many milestones recently: he started dancing to music (he spins in a circle and giggles), he started drawing on paper (he really has not been interested before, and now not only does he draw, he does circles and swirls), and he climbed a set of stairs. 

Caleb graduates to six month clothes today, at three and a half months old. I tried to squeeze him into 3-6month clothes and it finally dawned on me that it does not fit around his chest. That Graff chest. Whoa, baby.  





Sunday, March 1, 2015

Feeling lucky.


I played soccer when I was little. I remember spending a lot of time hunting the soccer fields for four leaf clovers. More often than not, I wouldn't find one. But, when I found one, it was special. I'd carry my treasure over to mom and show her, then stuff it into my tube socks, next to my shin guards, and feel super lucky for that practice, or that game, or that tournament. 

This picture makes me feel content. It's one of those rare moments when everyone is happy and playing nice and quiet. At the same time.  I had to take a picture to remind myself that it does happen---just like four leaf clovers. I'm lucky, and it's nice to have that reminder to hold on to. 


Our cute baby is now three months old! 

We pulled out the walker and let him stand in it for a little while. He needs to have a couch pillow under his feet, but he seemed to like it, in moderation. He's also graduated to needing a seat belt in his swing and baby seat because he scoots down and gets mad that half his body is hanging out. Go figure. 




Gah! I love this next picture. 

Caleb loves Joe and I caught them making happy faces at each other. Caleb loves Rae, too, but more it looks more like hero worship than how he loves Joe, which is more like a friend. Joe has to help Caleb anyway he can. He (Joe) has hypotonia, which means it is hard for him to "grade" his movements. When Joe pats Caleb's back, he goes "whack, whack, whack" instead of "pat, pat, pat". Patting Caleb's head often means that Caleb eats carpet. 

I love that Caleb likes tummy time! Rae gets easily frustrated (because he is good at everything, so things that don't come easily to him are harder for him to deal with). Joe always works hard, but his results are slower in coming. I think that if Rae did as many squats as Joe, he'd be able to dead lift twice his body weight. Which is a long way of saying… Caleb is different than the other two! He consistently works hard, like Joe, but is strong, like Rae. It is wonderful to have a baby who does baby things. 


My big boys are funny. The next two pictures are of them sleeping. Yes, they are passed out, and if you look carefully (I wasn't going to turn on the light to snap the picture, they were sleeping after all), you can see Joe on the left. His head is on his mattress and body is sprawled out on the floor. Rae, is under the blankets, not on the mattress, but on the floor. He makes a nest of blankets next to his mattress and that is where he sleeps. 





Here's Rae hiding on our washer. Rae loves the washer and dryer. He likes to climb into the dryer. He likes to stand on the washer and "help" me put clothes into the dryer. Aye. I often can't reach the clothes in the washer because of all my good "help". 


And here's Joe, happily playing with food. I found mini wheats all over my house for a long time after this. Joe will hold onto something little (like cereal) in his hot little hands and carry it everywhere with him for hours. 

Note: Don't give Joe Hershey kisses. I give him one, go back to working on the computer, turn around a few minutes later and his hands are coated with chocolate. "Oh dear!" I exclaim, and Joe bursts into tears. I carry him to wash his hands as he smears them down the back of my shirt. Beautiful. My day is really not complete unless I have someone else's food, Caleb's spit up (he's a spit up king), and someone else's snot on my clothes. Motherhood is gross. 

I am, though, really good at picking other people's boogers. If you need help, I'm here for you. 


We had the missionaries over for dinner a couple nights ago. Rae was in fantastic form, too. I heard things bouncing off the walls, and the Elders saying things like "Put that down. Let's do something else. Watch out! That's not a good idea." etc. etc. I stopped helping with dinner and decided to bail them out. 

So we played Uno. 

Rae instantly calmed down and followed the rules and cooperated nicely. Brilliant. Joe, pretended to be Godzilla attacking Tokyo and would dismantle the discard and draw decks. One Elder took the draw deck and eventually we just memorized what the most recent card played was. The other Elder (who comes from a family of ten) kept a small deck of cards and would hand a card to Joe whenever he came over. Joe would nod at the peace offering and wander off for a little bit, then come back and demand another one. 

"That was the wildest game of Uno I have ever played" says one of the Elders. 

Oh, you have no idea. 

Mr. Graff talked about Gifts of the Spirit in his testimony and mentioned that parents have the gift of "functioning on very little sleep". Parenting is being a sleep-deprived lion tamer. Uno is just one trick up your sleeve. 

 I've recently taken to going on a 30-45 minute walk after Mr. Graff gets home. It helps me wind down and process the day better. I come home in a much better frame of mind. I've taken Rae with me a couple of times. He loves the piles of snow.   He actually handles the distance well, too.



Remember painting the closet last week? After three more trips to the hardware store, We Have Shelves! I feel like Hercules. And now I have a 1/2" drill bit. And more baskets for stuffs. One of the baskets has tape and rope in it. I labelled it "bondage". 

"I didn't know you were into that kind of thing," says Mr. Graff. 


Mr. Graff accepted a job offer to Hawaii. It's the government, so it's extremely slow and we don't know when we are actually reporting there, but this means that we will need to sell our house. Which means we need to fix it up so we can sell it. 

My next project: replacing the flooring by the front door. 

I wonder how many trips to the hardware store that will be… 

Maple Syrup Festival

  We went to the Maple Syrup Festival @Cunningham Falls State Park today. The weather was *gorgeous* and the crowds not horrifying.  We star...