Wednesday, December 7, 2011

Happy Six Months!

Studly is six months old today!

I can't believe how fast time has flown by... it's really hard to believe that I've been a mom for six months.


He can be quite the charmer.




I love watching him grow.


He helps me around the house.


He wants to learn about everything he sees.


I wonder: what will he do next?




My favorite things about Raeford:

his baby smile

his eyebrows, he can cock one eyebrow at a time

his growl when he eats, he means that food to stay dead

his laughter, it's high, loud and full of energy

his snuggle with me at nap time

his love of people


Favorite things about being Mom:

nap time

seeing little changes

a new perspective on old things

delight in little things

little fingers wrapped around mine

making up funny lyrics


Friday, December 2, 2011

Hooray for Thanksgiving! OR Will I ever tame the vacation-induced-laundry?


We're home from spending an excellent Thanksgiving with my family (and Squid!) around Chi-town. We've been home for a week ... and I am still doing laundry! I wave my wimpy dryer sheet at the dragon of a laundry pile bidding it to retreat into the abyss...

Alas... we accummulate more!

On a related note, when am I going to feel like I am really moved in? All my boxes are unpacked, but I still feel like we're transients. Maybe the perpetual mess has something to do with it. Ah, to tame that beast would require more self-mastery and creativity on my part!

I put Raeford down for his morning nap; he's now on a nice napping schedule: he goes down at 10am and 2pm like clockwork every day. Naps flew out the window at Thanksgiving, there were too many people admiring him to think about sleeping, so it's been nice to be home and get him back to his routine.


I miss family, though. I wished we lived closer. I'm sure that they wish that, too. We're going to Colorado for Christmas to visit Mr. Graff's family. Gosh, I love them, and I am glad for another break--it's been a long year and now I understand why vacations are so important.

But, for now, I am back whip my proverbial sword at the skulking monster of clothes lying in my kitchen. Maybe I'll be more prepared when we go home for Christmas.

Or maybe not.


Here's my sleeping baby... Hooray for morning naps (and hula dancing)!


How did he get holes in his toes?





Tuesday, November 29, 2011

Giving Raeford the Raspberry



Today, we gave Raeford the raspberry! Raspberries were on sale at Super Grand, so we had some for dinner and then decided to mash up some for Studly, too.

I love his faces!


He's going to like them, I'm sure...

Monday, November 14, 2011

Take the Ruben Challenge!

The biggest push of provident living is GETTING OUT OF DEBT!

It's about the hardest thing to do and requires a lot of self-sacrifice, but watching this video inspired me. The goal of getting out of debt is to be self-reliant.

Watch this video:

Thursday, October 27, 2011

Blessings (in Disguise)

Studly had his four month check-up: He weighed in at 15 lbs. 10 oz. and measured 25.5 inches long. Good, slightly above average sized baby. It does not seem like he changes much until we stop and take stock every few months, or until I look at his baby pictures. Did he really look like that a few weeks ago? Eg gads! Time flies.

The rest of the check-up covered some basics: don't feed your baby lead, make sure that he gets viatmins, let him drink the flouride in the water... blah blah blah. Makes sense, and I listen to some of it. Then she starts asking me about what I do. Why was I a stay-at-home mom? Was I looking for at least part-time employment in my field? Would I be interested in a maternal depression support group?

Now the switch from working and going to school full-time to be a homemaker and mother was kind of like switching a car in fourth gear into reverse. Sudden, jolting, and now I am going in a completely different direction. I hit bumps, I'm still adjusting my mirrors; it's taking a lot of getting used to, some days are better than others, but that is the nature of the beast.

I was non-plussed by her comments. Was she right? Would I be a better mom if I worked part-time?

No. She's not right. I am a good mom and feel good about my decision to not work. Her comments came as a blessing because I realized I could work; I would be great at it, but it is not what I want for me or my family. But, thank you, sweet pediatrician for reminding me that I am making this choice every day--thank you for your blessing in disguise.

Tuesday, September 20, 2011

I'm So Glad When Daddy Comes Home


Some days, Studly is just hard to hang with. I do everything I can think of to calm him down, and he still is upset. Babies only have a few basic needs, right?

A week ago, the only way I could calm him down was standing with him outside. Mr. Graff says we have a "granola" child. He came home right as I decided to camp outside and made us dinner while I entertained the boy on the lawn.

I gave Raeford to Mr. Graff and he fell right asleep!



I'm so glad when daddy comes home.

Everybody Loves Babies


When we go to the nursing home to visit a friend, Studly captures the attention of everyone there. A little old man with no teeth passed by and said, "Oh, look at the baby!" That's the most awesome part of having a baby, particularly a new baby. Babies make strangers into friends--even people I would normally not be inclined to like.

I don't like the MVA, but I had to get a Maryland driver's license, so off to the MVA Studly and I went. The lady at the first counter was rude and I fumed away, muttering and sputtering at the ridiculous government bureacracy. My picture gets taken at another counter, but, of course, it's another wait to get to that counter. By the time I get up to the next counter, guess who is behind it? Oh, it's the lady from the first counter. My luck.

Fortunately, I am holding Studly. Holding him calms me down. (Nursing also calms me down. Once, I woke up with a nightmare and grabbed Studly just so I could nurse him and fall back asleep.) Well, she's there and I'm there and Studly is playing on my lap. She looks right at Studly and starts cooing and entertaining him! She talks all about her four kids and gives some excellent parenting advice, too.

All of a sudden, I like her.

And that's just what babies do. Studly helped me like her when I was not disposed to because she liked my him. Babies are special, mine certainly is!

Saturday, September 10, 2011

A Poem to Love

World, O world, of muddled men,
Seek the Peace of God again:
In the humble faith that kneels,
In the hallowed Word that heals;
In the courage of a tree,
In the rocks integrity;
In the hill that holds the sky,
The star you pull your heart up by;
In the laughter of a child,
Altogether undefiled;
In the hope that answers doubt,
Love that drives the darkness out.
Frantic, frightened, foolish men
Take God by the hand again.

--Joseph Anslander

Tuesday, September 6, 2011

Rainy Days & Growth Spurts



Maryland likes to be particularly wet. It finally makes sense when I read about D.C. being built on a swamp. When we moved here, Mr. Graff kept commenting on how green everything was--it's so green because of all the rain! Coming from our desert home in Utah, everything does seem exceptionally green!

Studly and I like to go adventuring in the mornings in the stroller. We usually go on about a three mile walk, and generally this works out great. Sometimes, though, it likes to rain on us.

One adventurous day, we were about halfway through our walk when it started to sprinkle. Studly was upset because he could not see (I had not yet figured out how get the stroller upright) so I was carrying him and pushing the stroller. Ordinarily, this is a funny enough spectacle. Why have a stroller when the baby just wants to be held? One neighbor lady looked at the pair of us and commented, "That just don't look right".

On this occasion, though, not only was I holding Studly and pushing the stroller, but the sprinkling clouds decided to pour on us. Studly howled at this point, so I tried nursing to comfort him. We were a sight. We moved slowly from one tree to another. Rain streamed down on us and I realized that it was not going to abate anytime soon and needed a new plan, so I marched out from under a tree, still nursing Studly and pushing the stroller and hoping to get home soon.

Ten steps later, totally drenched, we had a miracle! Spotting us on the sidewalk, a nice lady and her elementary-school-aged daughter stopped and offered us a ride. I gently threw Studly into the back of her car and put our stroller in her trunk. As she drove us home, she talked nicely about having a baby and nursing and how she was going over to help her friend who had just had a baby and needed a break. What a sweet lady!

Being a parent is just like that for me sometimes. I'm cruising along thinking I'm prepared and then a rainstorm comes. I run out of ideas and then ... someone offers just the right kind of help. It's my own special miracle. I'm so glad that there was someone to help me then and during other unanticipated rainstorms. I'm grateful for good people and hope I do pay it forward.
This memory comes to me because of the current overcast skies and constant drizzle. Studly and I are nice and warm inside listening to the soft sounds of falling rain. We're not out walking, and that's alright. Today, Studly has only been interested in eating, cuddling, and sleeping--he must be in another growth spurt. Growth spurts are good for a rainy days.


Family Portraits!

For our first anniversary, we celebrated by taking family portraits! We went to a Sears portrait studio on a Friday after Mr. Graff got off of work. As the photographer positioned us to take portraits, Raeford started to grunt and got all red in the face! The photographer kindly waited for Raeford to finish his business and then took our portraits. You'll notice that Raeford looks rather happy to have a squishy in his pants...

I'm rather excited about beginning this tradition because we get to add a picture to our rather barren looking apartment walls. Last week, we also put up a photo of our engagment and another from our wedding, so we get to add this one, too! Our apartment is slowly feeling like home. I miss our last apartment, but this one has seen lots of changes for our family and that's exciting, too.

We're putting down roots, which feels good; I'm glad to start family traditions.

To take a gander at my cute, little family, click here.


Thursday, September 1, 2011

Adventures in Baltimore



The original plan was to go to the Free Maryland Science Center Museum day, but that did not qutie work out the way that it was intended. Instead, we walked around the harbor and played a splash park. Here are some of the pictures!

Raeford can be expressive.


I love his socks...


The splash park water rose and fell with the music played at noon. It was awesome!


Grinning at Mom





Tummy Time



Trying to get Raeford to like tummy time is a Herculean effort. I make sure to put him down when he is calm and happy only to have to pick him up and comfort him a short while later. It's frustrating for both of us.

Lately, though, I've noticed that he is holding up his head better. My efforts are paying off! He also waits
about two minutes before becoming completely flustered and starting to fuss. Those two minutes make all the difference to me!

Sometimes it's hard for me to watch him struggle, but I know that struggling is the only way that he will get stronger and more independent-- and that is far more important for him to get stronger than for me to feel bad that he is having to make a lot of effort. Seems like a metaphor for my life...




Wednesday, August 31, 2011

Raeford's Birth


Raeford's birth has been the best experience of my life. His birth changed me; it prepared me in a viseral way to be his mother. Birth caused me pain and fatigue, to the edge of what I thought I could bear, more than I thought I could endure. But I did! The fact that I did endure gives me a sense of strength and helped me transistion to motherhood.

I knew from the outset that I wanted to deliver naturally with a midwife. Circumstances permitted that I could and did deliver at home as well. I've read too much medical literature to think or feel otherwise. For a healthy, normal pregnancy, a hospital birth was not for me.

I will admit that I am a wimp for pain. I don't like it, I whine the whole time I'm experiencing it, and I question why I need to go through it all along. So, choosing a home birth is rather comical because, of course, there's no IV pain relief offered. I felt, though, that the momentary pain of labor was not worth the complications of temporary pain relief. Pain has a purpose, right?

We started pre-natal care with a group of midwives in Utah while I prepared to gradaute from the University. Mr. Graff got a job offer that took us out to Maryland exactly one month before Raeford, affectionately called "Studly", was born. I frantically looked for a midwife in the area and (luckily) found one. I just had a couple of visits with her and her birth assistant before Studly was born.

Since we'd opted to not have ultrasound confirmation of the gender of our baby, we had taken the practice of calling him a she. Both of us felt we were having a girl, and since Studly didn't care anyway, feminine pronouns were used on him in utero. I liked not knowing. We got to meet and get to know our baby when he was born and became part of our family. In any case, his in utero name was "Nudgekin", which is nice and gender neutral, unlike "Tank" or "Princess" neither of which we considered anyway, but I've heard both used on other fetuses.

My water broke Sunday morning, at about 5 a.m. It flooded the bed and surprised me and Mr. Graff. Studly was due June 15th and it was June 5th. Pretty much all of my family had babies after their due dates, so we thought we had a couple of weeks to go. My feelings were a mixture of relief, excitement, and anticipation to get this kid out of me.

We went back to bed for a couple of hours and labor started gradually. We called the midwife at 9 a.m. to let her know that my water broke earlier but that contractions were not very close together. We went for walks, enjoyed a leisurely breakfast, watched Beauty & the
Beast, and played board games (scoring our best Scrabble game to date!). Mr. Graff filled the crockpot with barbeque chicken and scrubbed out the bath tub. We were a flurry of activity and anticipation. So was our extended family. Over this whole experience, Mr. Graff got hundreds of text messages and lots of phone calls.

In the evening, contractions came closer together and we called the midwife. A little while later, her and her birth assistant came to see us. They stayed through Sunday night and well into Monday. I had dilated to 7 cm and stayed there from Sunday night to Monday night. Studly was just not ready yet. Unfortunately, I was totally ready by this point--and so was all of our family. "Where's my niece?" and "Where's my grandbaby?" were the calls we got on Monday night. Everyone was worried. Mr. Graff and I were exhausted and worried about Studly's arrival; we almost turned off our phones to ignore anymore calls. By about Monday night, we'd decided to call her "Rachel Meriby".

As we wearily climbed into bed, I hoped that the baby would come soon. A couple of hours went by, with the same labor pattern. I think I gave up on counting time between contractions with Mr. Graff, but about 11 pm Monday night, things started becoming more intense. Mr. Graff was already sleeping and I didn't want to wake him up--he'd had a long almost two days of labor with me, too. By 1 a.m., I knew that the baby was coming and woke up Mr. Graff. He wanted to call the midwife right away, I told him to wait an hour because I wanted to be absolutely sure before they came back. At 2 a.m. we called and by 3:30 a.m. they were both in our apartment.

I vaguely remember walking out into our kitchen and staring at the microwave clock... 5:30 a.m. ... and thinking, "I cannot do this until ten or eleven. I'm done."

All positions I tried varied from slightly uncomfortable to bed-of-unevely-placed-nails uncomfortable. I drank Gatorade and quickly returned it back into a bowl. I took a shower--
labor stopped. Mr. Graff coaxed me out of the shower to keep labor moving. I settled onto the bed, cuddled and held by Mr. Graff who kept reassuring me that it was okay. I have no idea how he knew it was okay; I did not feel it at the time! If I had been listening to me, I would have been worried. Mr. Graff, though, is my hero and patiently helped.

My bladder desperately wanted to be emptied... and my body would not cooperate. Several unsuccessful attempts were ventured, until, at the last attempt, I rolled out of bed and onto my hands and knees where I hosed the carpet (Oops!) and then began pushing.

Pushing became my favorite part of labor. It felt constructive and felt like the eye of the
storm--calm, peaceful, focused. It also felt a lot like trying to go #2. Graphic, but true. I knew from reading that the pushing phase generally lasts about an hour. I knew I could last another hour. I heard my cell phone go off and knew that mom was calling. She was on the road from her home in Chicago and probably pretty close to our apartment. No way I was answering, though. I focused on moving Studly out.

Pregnancy never felt real to me. It felt like aliens had invaded me. My stomach moved and I'd listened to Raeford's heartbeat, but it just felt like I was getting bigger and bigger. Mentally, a giant tumor seemed like a reasonable explanation. It grows in your body and pushes everything out of the way and generally wreaks havoc. Thinking my baby was a tumor makes sense, right?

As Studly started coming out, I felt nothing below my waist, like it was numb, but I could still move all right. The birth assistant whispered, "she's crowning" to Mr. Graff. He took off his wedding ring to catch. It didn't feel like crowning to me. It felt like relief. Concentrating on letting my body expand, I focused on gently easing her out. I gave the final push thirty-seven minutes later and Raeford popped out with a splash! Seconds later I heard him fuss and the midwife handed him up to me between my legs.

Right then, Mom knocked on our door and came in to help me up onto the bed. Once on the bed, I got a good look at Studly. We had a boy! Mr. Graff missed catching by seconds, but got to cut the cord awhile later. The cord looked gray and like thick, flexible plastic tubing; for umbilical cord, it was rather short. I got to feel it pulsing while holding Raeford. Our midwife guided the placenta out and inspected it to make sure that it was intact. The placenta reminded me of a jellyfish--big, round and covered in blood vessels.

We took our time settling on a name for Raeford. Initially, we thought Joshua Chamberlain because we both liked that name, but he didn't seem like a Joshua to us. While laying on my belly, I thought, "He looks like an Elijah". We picked Raeford because it's Mr. Graff's middle name; it has heritage and that's important to both of us. So, his name became Raeford Elijah Graff.


What a transition to
motherhood! Birth prepared me for mothering; just like pregnancy prepared me for birth. This birth was exhausting, not on my time table, and surprising.

I cradled him on my chest and my heart filled with reverent awe and wonder; I've never made anything more perfect.






Tuesday, August 30, 2011

Why Blog?

When I told Mr. Graff I wanted to write a blog, he asked, "Why would I want the world to read my thoughts and see my daily activities? I don't even do that on facebook." First, writing feels more official when other people are going to read it. It's nice to see something published online that I wrote. Feels good, but feeling good is not the only motivation.

This blog's title, "There Is Sunshine", contains some of my philosophy: Sunshine exists, I have to choose to see it. Most of my heroes and heroines are everyday people who can see the sunshine even in the midst of hard times. Even when trying to avoid the major pitfalls, hard times come. It's recognizing the tender mercies, the smell of roses, and the happiness of everyday things that makes a life special, meaningful.

Celebrating the everyday; that's what my blog is about. "Adam fell that men might be; and men are, that they might have joy", Lehi told his son. This has come to mean a lot more as I continue on my journey. We're here in mortality by choice; we can also have joy by choice. As I write my story, I see and realize the joy in it.

I want to feel, share, and celebrate that joy.

Maple Syrup Festival

  We went to the Maple Syrup Festival @Cunningham Falls State Park today. The weather was *gorgeous* and the crowds not horrifying.  We star...